The New Age dawns in La Gomera

The boutique apartments with small shopping arcade and the attached 'Piano Bar' on the promenade in La Playa, Valle Gran Rey, collectively trading as 'Gomeralounge' is set for transformation to be La Gomera's first esoteric New Age Centre. ''This new exciting development constitutes a further organic cultural shift in the direction of my important societal aims'' owner Thomas Mueller is quoted as stating recently, adding that he will ''continue the wearisome work to culturally educate the mostly rural populace of La Gomera. I promise to strive to maintain my successful fostering of mainland flamenco in this remote isle, while also giving a platform to my own culturally significant work'', to quote Maestro Mueller from one of his frequent lengthy public speeches. By the way, with his voice and accent he sounds uncannily like former German chancellor Helmut Kohl.

The penny wise patron of the arts is now going to hand over the reigns of his flagship premises to Sandra and Daniel who amassed a fortune through crypto-currency dealings and are now in a position to acquire the business. Thomas Mueller is a German entrepreneur known all over La Gomera as the ''postcard baron''. He made his own fortune through various enterprises like the 'El Fotografo' postcard emporium, the now derelict 'Castillo del Mar' in Vallehermoso, apartment blocks, ice cream parlours, dance studios as well as bars and shops. Also known as a minor film-maker and music producer, 'Don Thomas' is now planning retirement with first  letting go of his Gomera Lounge Enterprises.

A tired looking 'Don Thomas' in his gaudy Gomera Lounge Piano Bar in 2017

The new owners of the Gomera Lounge and Piano Bar will continue Thomas' good work with a new impulse of New Age enthusiasm and intend to '' foster Valle Gran Rey's new spirit of esoteric endeavour'' which recently has seen a profusion of workshops on offer in La Gomera, mostly in German. 

They ranged from avocado-stone carving and ''dancing to the sound of your soul'', learning to sleep in the trees of the forest in the national park to ''disovering the inner self'' and ''human design''. Schooling in mysticism and crypto-currency investing was also offered. The latter workshop was tutored recently by Gomera Lounge's new owners Sandra and Daniel (see poster on right), who wanted to share how they became so wealthy so fast after leaving behind their previous regular lives in Germany. They are now running an ''academy for financial intelligence'' and found a solid investment in the Gomera Lounge complex, which is ideally suited for their goals of fostering the New Age movement and building the crypto-currency economy.

Gomera Lounge's ostentatious themed apartments, ranging from ''Bali'' to ''1001 nights'' offer accommodation for the ever-increasing number of esoterically minded tourists visiting La Gomera and especially Valle Gran Rey who are looking for magic inspiration and mystic enlightenment. These are all seeking suitably esoteric environs and are willing to pay above the standard rate for same. The premises' attached Piano Bar will be serving as a showy workshop venue during the day soon, but will continue to offer live music at night. However, in future they will concentrate in the programme more on performances on the mellow mystic side of music. This will continue Thomas Mueller's work in that direction and he has assured customers that his kitschy and tacky (sorry, but that's my opinion, Ed.) elephant video will continue to be shown in an endless loop on the large flat screen in the bar.

The business transaction and subsequent transformation will take a while, but it has transpired that after a short closure for minor refurbishment and ''spiritual cleansing'', the grand reopening of the premises is planned to take place on April 1st 2024, with a ''Meaningful Macrame'' workshop, a Hang Handpan concert and trendy band ''The Mystic Melancholics'' playing dopey dances. The donation box will be passed around as usual and you're expected to give generously as the artists will not get paid by the hosts so as not to break with the Piano Bar's tradition . The popular Nestle products will remain on sale, however, and drink prices will continue to be progressively upmarket as before, we've heard.

Most crypto-currencies will be accepted and are to replace cash transactions 'pronto' (asap), while the Lounge's rooftop jacuzzi with sea views offers customers a relaxing dip should the former take an unexpected dive in the markets.

The brave ''Nespresso Buddha'' outside the Piano Bar, patiently holding 

my devotional 'incense stick' while I took the photo a few years ago 

BREAKING: Clocks to go back two years this weekend

It's that time of the year again (see previous post) and there's

BREAKING NEWS, as reported by Waterford Whispers News below:

''AUTUMN is well and truly underway with the biannual changing of the clocks to take place this coming weekend, however, this year will be slightly different to previous years as the clocks go back a record 24 months to the year 2019, WWN can report.

“Due to Daylight Saving Time, we normally put our clocks back 60 minutes on the last Sunday in October, but due to the worldwide Covid pandemic we have decided instead to reclaim the last two years,” explained Director of Clocks Going Back, David O’Clock, “hopefully this will give everyone back the time they’ve lost and there’s absolutely no need to thank us. You’re welcome”.

The move will see October 31st, 2021, become October 31st 2019, sparking mixed emotions from across the world.

“I personally think it’s a great idea,” stated Taoiseach Micheál Martin, who was due to hand over his leadership position to Leo Varadkar in December 2022, “this will be a great way to restart the roaring 20s all over again and give us time to get our party back up the polls”.

“I’d rather we change the trajectory of the earth using rocket boosters, so we crash and burn into the sun than relive another moment of 2020,” voiced one concerned man, “what sick fuck suggested this?”

Despite conflicting feelings over the two-year clock change, the Tokyo Olympics and Euro Football championships could be relaunched again in June, depending on if the clocks don’t go forward again by two years in March.

“Look, we’ll see how this goes for the time being,” David O’Clock added, “if the next year is worse than the previous two then we might just skip forward by three years to 2022 – leave it with me”. ''

© Waterford Whispers News  

(except image and heading, that's La Gomera Whistles News)

Canaries in the Canaries

A wild canary taking the evening sun on a tree in La Gomera, Canary Islands. (Picture: Damien Enright/Irish Examiner

I overheard the following conversation in a pub in rural Ireland yesterday:

''I'm just back from a holiday in La Gomera''
"Where is that ?''
''Oh, it's one of the Canary Islands - but strangely I didn't spot any canaries there.''
''That's peculiar. I am just back from a holiday in the Virgin Islands...
- and I didn't find any canaries there either.''

Strangest of rituals must be practised tonight

The 'clock ritual' is the most widely-practised ceremonial procedure in many countries and also an integral if uncanny part of the Halloween season. Here's how it's done properly:

Well, the recommended procedure is to put all your clocks and watches UPSIDE DOWN in the very early hours of this Sunday morning - so don't forget to set your alarm clock to ring at 2 am, by when it will spookily be 1 am again, to do this. To avoid any complications and repercussions make sure you don't leave any clock unturned before you go back to bed after hours of searching and upturning in the dark. Most importantly, don't even think about getting up at all during Sunday, and don't check the time, to avoid disorientation and confusion. Then, after Sunday's bedrest, from Monday on keep asking people ''What time is it now'' as if nothing had happened, and keep doing that for about a week just to help get the discussions going amid the general confusion. Strangely many people will not know the correct time as most will have manipulated some clocks and watches around the same time as you did. But as not all know how to perform the ritual properly, some will have put their clocks and watches forward, some back, some sideways, but not all upside down. Some timepieces were forgotten in the chaos and still show the unadjusted time, some self-set a new time automatically, delicate ones will have been broken, and sun dials will have become unreliable. To make matters worse the sun itself rose only a couple of seconds later, largely ignoring the time change. After a further ten days of time-related discourse and debate chaos, a general consensus should have been arrived at and the correct new time agreed upon. Your internal clock will have adjusted a bit to things like disrupted sleep patterns, confused meal times, etc., while your digestive system is still struggling. However, surveys show that being an hour late for work repeatedly hasn't done employees any harm over the years and 'the clock' is widely accepted as an excuse by bosses.

After about 2-3 weeks the time has come to turn your clocks and watches back the right way up and set the new time - if they're still running that is. Should they have stopped you can just leave them upside down until the end of March next year. If turned back the right way at the right time then, the stopped clocks will miraculously show the correct time for about a minute TWICE every day until this time next year (or just once per day if it's a 24 hour system - still not bad, though). 

All the above constitutes a truly WEIRD ritual, but it is supposed to save the sun a lot of energy and a further benefit is that more time accumulates in your daylight savings account.  STOP THE CLOCK !!!

Seriously though, the EU has finally come to the conclusion to abolish the twice annual mandatory time change from summer to winter time and back again - probably in just a few years' time once all the bureaucratic procedures have been completed, of course. In a recent EU-wide survey an overwhelming majority of respondents in all member states wanted the time changes abolished. Russia has already done so, ahead of European time.

Yoga lesson for dog owners

Sorry, but that's the most aesthetic example I could find. Note the sulphur powder that had been spread to deter dogs.

Yoga for dog owners in just 3 simple steps:

Step 1: Bend over

Step 2: Pick up your dog's poo

(This exercise is known as the 'downward dog position')

Step 3: Put it in a bin and relax with a grin.

...sadly La Gomera, too, suffers from too many poorly trained pet owners.

A very serious discussion...

...can be heard here when you turn on the sound at the bottom right: